Thursday, March 17, 2011

St Patrick's day: the most pointless tradition ever

   I believe in holidays honoring those who believe in religious figures. Its what makes America the place it is. However, the tradition is dumb. There is no correlation between getting as drunk as possible and St Patrick. Fyi, he wasn't even Irish (which I'm sure is why we've adopted drinking into this holiday). This is just another reason to go out and drink. I think it's stupid. As if every holiday didn't involve drinking. This one just had to be about what most young adults already do every weekend. A tradition is usually a treasured activity that is done every so often to make it that much more special.

Guy 1: it's St Patrick's day what should we do?
Guy2: not sure. What did we do last night?
Guy1: I don't remember, I was wasted.
Guy2: awesome! Lets do that

   You're dumb and your tradition is dumb. Now I have to go out to a bar because my girlfriend is dragging me there. I'm so excited to wait 30 minutes to get a beer.

Tales of The Unavoidable

   He's a nice, generous, hard-working, loving provider for his family. He worked hard and was always their for his family. However, life had different plans for him and it proves that karma does not exist. I am speaking about my cousin who recently had a stroke. Before he had a stroke, he had skin cancer that spread rapidly. For years he was under heavy treatment and surveillance. When I think about this, I can't believe it happened to him. His whole life he worked hard and helped out many people. Even during his stage of treatment he lent my brother a helping hand. My cousin is a lawyer and my brother got a DUI over a year ago. When these things happen of course we want to fight the system and avoid the worst possible penalties. I felt bad for both of them (then again my brother was double the limit of the legal BAC, so he deserved it). I mostly felt bad for my cousin because he wasn't going to say no in defending my brother. At this time, the radiation he was exposed to caused him to lose a lot of feeling in one side of his face. My dad rounded up a portable speaker system and microphone to project his voice since his speech wash difficult to decipher. God bless his soul, he worked hard and did his best to prevent the worst case scenario for my brother. That's the kind of person he is.

   He has a wife and two kids to provide for. The ages of the children . . . 4 and 7. The cancer has went into remission several times but came back in tumors in his intestine in January. The hospital quickly performed the surgery to get rid of the tumors. During the recovery, he had a stroke. I can't say he was lucky since all of this happened, but at least he was already in the hospital when this happened so time could not worsen the situation. Imagine these kids seeing their father in this state of incapacitation. It really just kills me to see him like that and the kids to see that as well. When I went to visit him, his speech was not present. The only communication available was the look of embarrassment and disgust in his eyes. I could tell he was grateful for everyone to always keep him company, but he didn't want pity, or sympathy. He didn't want people to go out of their way to make him feel better. He wished this had never happened as I'm sure everyone who has had a stroke feels. I wish I could do something, but what can anyone do besides the doctors?

   In the most recent news of his condition, the doctors discovered that the cancer is gone, but will have to stay like that for the next 14 months to declare him 100% cancer free. I just pray he recovers and that the cancer stays away for good. You're in my prayers and I hope to see you well soon, cousin.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

   
  
   As the screen projects nasty, white-trash/ghetto outbursts caused by heart break and deceit, I laugh. These ridiculous people creating stupid problems for the whole world to see. I want to feel bad for these people, but honestly it just makes me feel better about my life. I don't know how some of the victims or heart break won't let go of the one who doesn't love them anymore. I also wonder why these people cheat in the first place. I would never even dream, or put myself in that situation. The only time I would ever do that is if my girlfriend cheated on me and I wanted to even things out. This would never happen though because once I found out, I would end it. I deserve better and never treated a girl so badly that she should be driven to cheating.

   What I am most disturbed about is why some of these participants decide to break up, or reveal awful things in front of thousands of people. It's bad enough that they are breaking up with someone who is hopelessly in love with them, now they have to experience the pain in front of America. I understand that some of them are traveling to the show without the knowledge, or reasons why. It really boggles me how these people can be so insensitive to go out of their way to embarrass their girlfriend/boyfriend in front of an audience. Do they not realize how cruel that is? Maybe I should stop watching such garbage.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Officially Jersey

   I guess I can officially call myself a hypocrite. I went to a tanning salon for the first time. I always said things to my girlfriend about her excessive tanning due to skin cancer.
Although, she finally won. Instead of getting her to stop, she dragged me along. I can't say I put up much of a fight. Besides, doing it once in a while won't be very damaging.

   I still find the idea of tanning quite pointless. You can almost compare it to smoking.  You are degrading your health for something that is not needed at all. Tan skin and black lungs are extremely unnecessary. In an ironic twist, people tan to look better. The twist? It's damaging your skin and when you get older, your skin will sag easier and age much quicker. So, when you're fifty get ready to be mistaken for sixty. Sun can be healthy, but being tan all of the time is quite the opposite.


Distractions

  

   What is the meaning of life? What does it mean to be successful? Is it wrong to live in the moment? Should I rid myself of distractions right now to focus on my future? I have always envied both types of people. Those who can just enjoy what they have without the future problems affecting them, and those who lock themselves in a room day after day to so well in school. I believe I am at a critical point in my life. I have delayed my future to achieve my dream, but that fell through. Now, I am 24 and pretty much finishing my freshman year of college. I don't want to live a meager life any longer with my meaningless and poor paying job. I know I have to study hard and take summer courses as well to accelerate my degree. The concept does not bother, or worry me. I think about it and become determined to not let anything get in my way, but it isn't so simple.
  
   I analyze my thoughts and feelings at the current moment all the time. When my thoughts aren't the most positive because or a current circumstance, I begin to drift away from my school work. It's not that I shut down totally and do nothing, but I don't do as much as I should. Before continuing school, I planned out my future for the coming years and wondered about my leisure time. I planned on not having much because of my job and school work. Although, I was blessed with a job that allows me enough time to complete all assignments allowing me the same amount of leisure time as before. Times are now changing and I am being reverted to my previous job prohibiting any time for school while working. The thought of allotting enough time for school, work and my family, I realized my days of youth are pretty much over.
 
   With these ideas running around in my head, it has become difficult to study and focus on homework. Everything is a distraction to me, even doing nothing. My mind still drifts towards my girlfriend, but only current thoughts. I try to think about her and building a future together which will require me to do well in school. These concepts have worked well, but becomes difficult because I have become used to instant gratification. Since doing homework does not make me happy, I quickly become depressed at the idea that my life will soon only become school and work while my parents will nag me about not seeing them enough. I am already having a rough time staying happy, so what will the more difficult years bring? I worry that I may not be able to handle it.

Monday, March 14, 2011

How unfair Mr. policeman guy


(Okay, it's a little over the top, but still funny and relevant)

   I usually agree with the sides of the law if they are somewhat oppressive towards those who are completely wrong. However, other times it's pure stupidity and a clear disregard for a fair say. My friend went to New York this weekend. On his way to a show he had to use the subway as most of the population of New York does. As he arrived at the turnstile, it seemed as if his card did not work on any of the lanes. Someone else approached them, tried and also failed. As they stared at each other in confusion, the stranger jumped the turnstile so he would not miss his train. Since the subway does not wait for anybody, my friend followed along since it was obvious that they weren't working. I would say that maybe he did not have enough money on the card, but he previously added ten dollars to the balance, clearly enough to go through.

   Instantly, they were both intercepted by an undercover cop. My brother pleaded his case, but the cop wouldn't listen. He even asked to put the metrocard into the dispensers to prove he had enough money and then to try the turnstiles. Once again, the cop denied this chance for my friend to justify his actions. So, bam, $100 down the drain. What was he supposed to do? (I also failed to mention there was no one in the booths either). The cop stupidly replied "Yes, with the economy they cannot hire as many booth attendants." That was his response to what my friend should have done as to not miss his train when the turnstiles were not working. However, if my friend wants to take it to court, he has to go all the way back to New York in hopes that the judge will find pity to exert onto him and free him of the fine. Sometimes I just don't understand, but I guess that life.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Somethings are better left unsaid

   I am the most non-confrontational person in the world. I hate drama and tension and believe that they get people know where. From the years I've lived on this planet, I've learned a lot about people. One important key is that most people are stubborn and close-minded. Once you try to tell someone they are wrong, it's like a trigger is pulled and they instantly put their guard up. I don't like to be wrong, but I might not be right so I listen to others' opinions to see if I missed something. However, if you come at me like an army of words ready to attack and yell, just don't. I will not listen to any word coming out of someone's mouth who is so irrational.

   I wonder if society was always like this. I see my family and when they disagree, they usually talk it out. However, things can get out of control when there is no compromise which is understandable. But, how can people constantly have heated arguments over pretty much nothing? Now, I'm not talking about those who get on each others nerves because they are always around each other, but those who blow up at everything. When my girlfriend and I went on our cruise, the staff would make up our room and make these funny little creatures with towels. I remember she went into the bathroom and I saw the head was technically severed. We left the room and came back later that night. She joked around saying that when I went on the bed earlier that day I must have knocked it off. I said no, it was like that before (still laughing). She instantly got angry and yelled at me for blaming her for it. I said that I deliberately remember seeing it like that before. She yelled even more telling me I was wrong. So, I gave in and said she was probably right. I know that it isn't because we are sick of each other, it's because that's who she is. She has no tact when it comes to certain things and will ruin everyone's mood for dumb things like that. Sometimes, it's things that do not even involve her.

   She has gotten better than before, even if that previous example doesn't seem like it. I've pretty much left her because of her attitude and she's trying to change. Although, I have some other friends that are similar. They seem like happy and normal people, but don't tell them they are wrong unless you like to bicker about really dumb things. Maybe it's just me, but I like to get along with people and avoid senseless fights.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Japan Shaken Up

   I always hear about these types of disasters that have no effect on my life. It's hard for me to care when I avoid the news and it doesn't change anything in my life. I do empathize with those who were affected, but I still go about my day carefree. The earthquake in Japan for me was quite different (but it's not like I'm going to join the Peace Corps or anything). I was stuck in the cabin on the cruise ship with only 4 channels to watch. Luckily, we caught a glimpse of the story on Fox news.

   What my eyes experienced was devastating. Japan was in total shambles. With everything going on in the world and the most advanced nation was disabled by an unavoidable disaster. But it wasn't over because there was the tsunami and the aftershock. Things just kept getting worse. I can't even imagine how those people feel. The one's who survived probably lost a lot and maybe even some family members. How do you recuperate from that? I sometimes wonder if we are all doomed because earthquakes are unpredictable. Not only that, but there is no way to be fully protected from it either. Let's hope Japan opens up their strict cultural doors and accepts help from other countries. They can't do it on their own.

Back to real life

   The one negative aspect of going away on vacations is that it makes you unappreciative of the small things in life. I am now back from my week long cruise and am dreading my upcoming school and work routine. Once you have a taste of something so sweet, you want more. The weather could not have been better. My girlfriend and I were having such a nice time, without everyone, without our cell phones, without the stress of daily life, without television. It was the quality time I've always wanted with her and I was surprised that she enjoyed it too. Usually she gets bored easily, but since we were elsewhere on a vacation, even boredom seemed okay.

   Even though we did mostly what she wanted, I was okay with everything. As long as she was having fun with just me, I was having fun. I was finally content and realized that that's what it must feel like to be happy like everyone else during their regular lives. I was content at almost every point and time. Even when she read for hours outside without a word to me, I did not feel any unhappiness due to the neglect. It was great to finally feel like that and not have that burden of obsession. However, I cannot diagnose the exact reasoning for this. There are three possibilities. One, I was on vacation away from work and school. Two, I was finally able to have my girlfriend to myself seven days straight. Three, I began this new herbal supplement cycle that helps with depression and anxiety. Mostly, I'm hoping it's the supplement because then I'll be able to be normal and okay when not on vacation, or near my girlfriend. Anyway, I'm back to real life and ready to begin the burden of saving money and working

Saturday, March 5, 2011

So long everybody

   At least for a week I wont be able to blog and I'm sure you are all so disappointed. I'm going on a cruise for spring break and couldn't be more excited because I'm really not that excited. I bought both tickets for my girlfriend and I, but will also be spending even more on the boat. I'm doing all of this because it was a gift for our one year anniversary a month ago. Surprise surprise we barely have sex now because we live at our parents' houses and now she has her period. This is my luck.

   We both used to be excited to even sleep next to each other but she doesn't care anymore. I would be but she likes to border herself up with pillows pretty much dividing a line between us while I long to hold her in my arms. I'm really not even that excited especially since last night my mom decided to break down and cry because my girlfriend wants nothing to do with my family. She never told my parents this but because I only go to her house and she never comes to mine, its implied. Plus, its true. You may not believe this but I quote "I just like my family better and when I have free time I want to do what I want". Yup, her words. I also hate making people do something that I want soooo, we've been dating for over a year and she has seen them about 6 times while I see her parents everyday.

   With all of these things on my mind its going to be difficult to be excited. I think I've built a resentment towards her. Maybe she will change. Wish me luck and I'll be back in a week

Friday, March 4, 2011

Jerks in action

 

 I've seen them before, laughing and taunting others. Whether they had an agenda, or not, it's degrading and annoying. I actually had the pleasure of befriending a pompous asshole. I didn't really have a choice. We were acquaintances for years, but eventually shared a class together at our community college. I didn't know much about him aside from his loud and in your face behavior. Deep down, however . . . oh wait it was actually right on the surface, yup, he was an arrogant low life having no regard for other human beings and their feelings. Luckily, he got a taste of his own medicine from the female form of him (whom I'm also friends with, it was weird).

   During the days of our 'friendship' I was only slightly entertained at points. The few times we hung out, outside of class, I was only lured there by my own boredom and his genuine desire to hang out with me. We went to this diner one time with one of his friends. The stories they shared with me were nothing short of ridiculous. Common frat boy (even though they were nothing near frat boy types) tales of drunk fights and doing drunk girls. They had a contest trying to bang as many girls as possible until Thanksgiving. My friend Joe won by getting to 17. He told me a story of calling random people on the train racial slurs and getting into a fight about it. I've never actually seen these things so I took them all as lies. The worst thing I've seen him do was later that night. (Not that bad and actually kind of funny, but annoying) They drove seperately onto a two lane highway. They drove side by side going 20 mph on a limit of 65 for about a mile. The line of lights behind us looked like it went on for miles. I can't really say too many bad things about that.

   Whether his stories were fabricated, or not, I can't believe there are either of those types of people. How can you live life making up ridiculous stories stating they are true? Does it make you feel like a man? If the stories are true, I don't understand how people can have such a disregard for human emotions. Who are you to think you're better than everyone else? People are not objects made for your entertainment. I was harassed when I was in grade school. In fact, it was by my 'best friend' at the time and the kid who usually bullied me. Even though I was on the protected side, I didn't like it. I eventually loathed my friend Joe. He treated me so nicely, but I couldn't degrade myself to a selfish level. I believe many people are selfish, but this was just blatant immorality. I avoided his calls and am happy that I haven't heard from him.

Do something with yourself

   I have no sympathy for some people. The majority of applicants on welfare are just taking advantage of the rest of us. Anyone who doesn't have a job (when they could have SOMETHING if they tried) is taking advantage of someone. It could be a friend, relative, parents or the government. If its the government then it is now affecting me somehow. Now that that government money is being applied to welfare maybe certain taxes are raised? I know that welfare and unemployment are needed so I'm not saying to get rid if these programs altogether, but I'm sure there are many people taking advantage of it.

   I have experienced an almost mini community welfare program. I was in a band as I've mentioned many times. There were three of us and we added a fourth member about four years ago. I actually originally opposed to even trying him out. I was overruled and convinced he was not lazy and is now dedicated. Boy was I right. The s**t he put us through and especially our Singer was nothing short metaphorical rape. The first year he has a good paying job that was only supposed to last a year (construction). He decided to buy an Audi. Did I mention he dropped out of high school too? He was obviously making payments and soon the job ended. He was spoiled being paid thirty dollars an hour, so once this job ended he refused to take any less because he's an idiot. He was doing a job many others could do and from what I've heard he's a lazy worker. Anyway, his job ended, he couldn't make the car payments so it was repossessed. He still owed money even after that.

   How did this affect the band? You have to lose money to make money, it's called investing in yourself. We decided that each of us would deposit $50 a week into our band fund for traveling, promotion and other expenses. He contributed for about the first year, but quickly ran dry. He was still waiting for that next great paying job even without having a means of transportation. We told him to get ANY job, its better than not making ANY money at all. He disagreed, go figure. Our singers dad even offered him add jobs around his house which he accepted, but not without complaints of what he had to do. For several weeks my Singer's family would let him sleep there, feed him and pay him to work. Sounds great right? Nope. Apparently $10 an hour wasn't enough to do menial chores around their house.

   We've become spoiled, America. We get what we want, when we want it. This went on for four years. I left a year ago and he was kicked out a few months ago. I never felt sorry for him because he thought he had some sense of entitlement to not work at the local shop rite. It's called paying your dues. I don't care who you are, if you can move around and have some high school education YOU CAN GET A JOB so hop to it!!!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Hey Chubs, you know there's calorie free soda right?

   

   That's right look at it . . . LOOK AT IT! How has America come to this? Fast food is cheaper right? Not if you're eating thirteen burgers in one sitting. The cost of living while this obese cost EVEN MORE than if you ate something like vegetables. I understand that for some people it is genetic, but for the other 95% of you, it's weakness and laziness. I'm not asking for you to be a star athlete, but lose enough so you don't get diabetes.

   I saw a hefty guy in one of my classes today drink SEVERAL sodas. You really couldn't get diet? Water blows, I know I hate it too. Although, I know how good it is for me so I force it down my gullet. I used to hate diet soda, but once I realized how much sugar is in regular soda, I had to stop. That's almost like eating diabetes (and smoking is inhaling cancer). If all of these extremely overweight people put a little more effort into not eating as much and eating better, health insurance would probably go down for the rest of us. Same goes for you smokers. Knock it off, it's not helping you at all. It's only costing you more money daily (cigarettes itself) and more money in the future (health care, thanks you jerk). I know what I say is harsh, but it's what I think and it makes me angry. People should not be weighing 600 pounds. You're 20 pounds overweight, that's fine and not terribly unhealthy (wouldn't hurt to not be though). This goes to the one's who are 100 pounds overweight. I'm sure no one ever thought that fat people could affect them, but 1/3 of America is obese. That says something and eating less and working out would only better your life. You'd be more healthy and save yourself money.

My Miserable Life

   Oh, you thought I was going to complain about how awful my life was? Well get ready to be kind of disappointed. Since I'm stuck in my mind all day with really no one to talk to, I try to find ways to better myself. (Spoiler Alert: I'm actually just trying to find ways to justify my thoughts). I wish I didn't think the way I do, so I search online for people with similar stories and lives. I wonder about my actions and thoughts. Am I really being so ridiculous? Half the time I admit, I am being ridiculous.

   After so many months of looking over the disgusting amount of issues I shouldn't be having daily, I came across a site www.mymiserablelife.com. We watch sad movies and always know that the stories are fictional and don't really happen often. However, those depressing stories are real and out there. Should I be reading such a site because it encourages my negative behavior? I don't think so because I read these stories and realize I don't have it so bad, but have come across many similarities that make my heart begin a series of outstanding beats. What if this happens to me? Thanks mom, you've brought me up well to get nervous and worry about everything. When you're feeling down about something that isn't worth it, check this site out and be appreciative of what you have.

High on Charlie Sheen

 

 Charlie Sheen made it pretty clear with his statement "I'm on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen." I'm not exactly sure of the meaning of this reference. I have three explanations. One, he is poking fun at the media and this publicity 'disaster' (He's getting great ratings right now so yes, disaster will stay in quotes). Second, he's high on himself because he thinks he is more awesome than everyone else and doesn't care what you think. Third, this is all a publicity stunt to gain ratings. This is how the world works, there really is no such thing as bad publicity. What makes someone a star? Their name known to the most people possible.

   Okay, so everyone thinks he is crazy and hates him and CBS is going to kick him off the show. Riddle me this, do you really think people will stop watching the show if they keep this insane, bi-polar, drugged up mess? I don't think so. Like I mentioned before, ratings. I personally think MORE people will watch the show. I don't believe anyone has the common sense and standards of morality to think 'Well I'm not going to support his shenanigans'. People are dumb. Look at Jersey Shore, The Real World, Real Housewives of insertrandomlocationhere. Can you really call these shows quality TV? It's all drama, drama, drama. We love to see other people unhappy to make us think that our lives aren't so bad. I do partake in watching some of these shows, but pretty much have to because my girlfriend loves that garbage (not pronounced gahbage even though I'm from Jersey). I don't say anything because I don't care that much and just laugh to myself about these people. Once the show is over and they have millions of dollars, they'll know what sadness really means. They'll run out of things to buy and resort to drugs to 'get more out of life'. Only those who have worked hard for their money gain a sense of purpose and worth. I have to wonder with Sheen in this state, is he happy? Or is he losing his mind and putting up that macho front to retain his sense of masculinity? You're the man, Sheen. I'm enjoying your breakdown.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I'd rather laugh than learn

   As negative and depressing as I am, my favorite form of entertainment is comedy. When I see my good friend Mike his TV is usually set to documentaries, the news or historical programs. Very rarely will I find this stuff interesting. The only sort of informative programs I can enjoy are obscure documentaries (anyone see My Strange Addiction?). I try to laugh as much as I can and education is not funny. I only interest myself in learning so I can get a good job.

   My dad rags on Howard stern and says how he can listen to it (because its all his friend listens to) but mostly he's disgusted by it. I can actually agree with him. Sometimes the raunchy jokes get old. A little variety wouldn't kill anyone. I like a lot of sit com's. A few favorites are Seinfeld, the king of queens, how I met your mother, community, outsourced, the league, its always sunny in Philadelphia and a bunch of others. The same goes for movies and now with Pandora on my phone I'm able to listen to comedians instead of music. People tell me to not take things so seriously and I think this is at least a start. Instead of feeding my serious behavior with depressing music, I've replaced it with stand up comedians. However, because if my daily commute, I've heard the same bits 30 times. Luckily, my favorite comedian Daniel Tosh has come out with a new album. Ill definitely be picking that up soon.

   I think the pressure of school and education has sucked out any chances of enjoying learning. What's wrong with that anyway? It makes me happy so why should I care if other people think my taste is dull? I think it's because most of the people I know are usually talking about the latest on Nat Geo while I'm reminiscing over the latest Community episode. Oh well, don't judge me.
  

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Being a future guest for intervention is not cool

   I overheard a conversation today between a few young adults. They were talking about how much alcohol they consumed at once. I really never understood the concept of 'holding your liquor'. Hm, you're trying to get as messed up as possible, but antagonize others who get there before you. Should you be proud of the damage of your liver being so severe that you can down a twelve pack in an hour? I hope you enjoy the shortened life span you've gained by being a so called 'man.'

   I personally hope I don't have to drink as much to get wasted. Shouldn't everyone else envy me? I'm having more fun than you in a shorter time. Don't be proud that you drink six beers a day and don't feel anything, its only going to get worse. Ill let Intervention know you'll be on there in about ten years. You drunk.

I Blame My Ex

  

As I analyze my life every second of th day I compare it to other people I know. I compare it to what normal people do and how they find happiness and comfort in life. My friends find a thrill in a night out on the town drinking in overcrowded clubs, or bars making fools of themselves. I used to enjoy that, but for some reason love became my number one priority.

   I remember during high school I would HAVE to be out drinking on weekend nights, or my free time was wasted. For some reason it made me feel cool, because that was the standard. I could enjoy the company of my friends, but also had an instinct and want in the back of my head to meet a girl. If I proved unsuccessful (which was the case 99.99% of the time) I was ok with it. I was always the type to want a girlfriend. I enjoy the attention and company, but also enjoyed time by myself and with my friends. That slowly dissolved after my girlfriend during my senior year of high school.

  Every girlfriend I had until that point was normal. The only thoughts in their minds were studying, sports, friends and partying. Things would be great and intimate in the beginning, but would normalize as most relationships do. But, this one girl changed all of that. She was completely different, but I guess I was too. I began to interest myself in the type of music known as 'emo'. I really hate saying that. I was in a band, wrote poetry, was full of emotion so it only made sense that I found a girl of similar taste. And so she showed herself. We began our relationship and were instantly head over heels for each other. I remember our first night alone and she wrote me a letter. I was baffled. Really? A Letter? I didn't really get it. Inside was a confession of this liking she had for me. She said she was counting down the days until she could see me again. I was uncomfortable at first, but soon found myself doing the same. This created such a connection that time barely had an effect on our emotions. It made me feel secure, like she loved me and didn't care about anyone else. It was just like the movies. At that point, I didn't care about drinking, or friends, I just wanted her. If I could have her that was all I needed. I was able to just open myself up without any negative judgement. It was the greatest thing in the world.

   As they say, all things must come to an end. We dated for a year and a half thinking that we would get married eventually. (She did call two years later drunk on her birthday to see if we were still getting married). She was too stubborn, manipulative, controlling, started doing coke, I couldn't take it. She'd say that I wasn't her father. So, I broke up with her and ignored every single text and phone call from her for a month. I wasn't really hurt at all, I was ok. In fact, I couldn't wait to find someone else. I'm not the type to just hit it and quit, I think it's degrading to the true act. Although, it took me three years to start a real relationship. Things are really not going great because I'm insane. I want that connection I had with my ex, I want the affection and compassion, but the girl I'm with now it . . . normal. Coincidentally, I feel like she's a little different, but in the way where she doesn't like to be touched, doesn't like affection, isn't romantic. None of those things. She likes that I'M affectionate though, which I don't like. I feel denied, I feel like a guy chasing after a girl that wants nothing to do with him. Resent and anger have quickly become my friends. When we go out, she becomes this social butterfly flirting with all of her guy friends completely ignoring me. Eventually I would get upset and flip out at the end of the night. She would tell me to get over it. I think since the first time she has said that line, I've just held this grudge. Things aren't the same between us and I wonder what I should do in this boring, typical, unromantic, one sided, emotionless relationship.

Be More Vague College Essay

   I had to write an essay for my college of choice recently. I always heard about difficult topics wondering what they could possibly be about. My first impression was that it was very specific leaving the writer without much to say. That might be true, but I encountered an opposing problem. The topic was way too basic. They asked why I chose their school and what it will bring me. Uh, what other reason does anyone go to college for besides partying, graduating and getting a good job? Everyone wants to make money, that's why they go to college. In fact, we HAVE to go to college. If not we will spend our worthless eternity praying for a manager's position at the local Mcdonald's.

   Any other reasons I could come up with seemed just as shallow. Why am I choosing to go to NJIT? Because it's better than a community college and I didn't get into Rutgers (actually that decision is still pending). You are also the closest school to me, cheapest and one of the few that had my major without requiring me to take two semesters of a second language. I should have mentioned to them that I'm lazy. I really don't know what they're looking for. How many people are going to tell them that it was their lifelong dream to be an engineer and they don't care about making money as long as they can do that. LIARS!

   I ended actually writing a pretty damn good essay. I mean so far NJIT did accept me and from what I hear it's a good school. Too bad it's in Newark and across the street from the ghetto. How ironic would it be that I start to go there and get killed and robbed by a degenerate who didn't go to college? Maybe then I'll be put out of my misery. Take notes colleges, make the essay topics a little bit more specific and realistic. No one is choosing your school because it was their lifelong dream. There are hundreds of schools, you are not special. Your students were probably just rejected from their real dream schools.