The cost of NOT getting gas

   My brother is the cheapest person I know. He's even worse than my mom and that says something. He's cheap to a point where it affects other people around him. He loves going to concerts and a lot of his friends aren't as enthusiastic as he is. So, he usually has to continuously ask the same people and will offer to find cheap tickets online. Not only does this save them money but his friends usually don't have the money up front so he kind of HAS to get both tickets. Once the concert is over, he will begin every one if the conversations asking for the money he fronted. There is no grace period with him.

  Although, most recently it has even ruined his car. He likes to avoid gas stations so he will run his gas tank to its lowest point possible. A few days ago he ran out of gas on his way home. I don't care who you are, if you have enough money you should not ever run out of gas. What's even worse is that he works right next to a gas station. So my mom found an empty gas tank at our house, filled it up, and brought it to my brother. But wait, there's more. The gas tank has been outside for months in the rain. Therefore, water was still in the tank mixed with the gasoline which then went into my brother's car. Now, his car constantly shakes when he turns it on. Luckily he was smart enough to realize that this was not a good thing and got it towed to the dealership.

   No one should ever have their car run out of gas when you work next to a gas station. Lesson learned bro, I'm gonna go back to being selfish.

Someone made off with Madoffs sanity

   Bernie Madoff screwed many people out of millions of dollars and technically got his son killed. If Madoff never went through with this ponzi scheme his son would still be alive so, yes I blame him for that too.

   I'm not sure if he's become even crazier, or if he's looking for sympathy, but he says he is a good person. This is what his therapist told him. I think they are both insane. For Madoff to scam the system like he did and not think it was a terrible thing is beyond crazy. A good person could never do that. I think the Madoff should be banned from all media and connection with the world outside of his prison. Its only been a year so I doubt he has become a reformed human being. I don't even think stupid people could think Bernie Madoff is a good person. If they do, lock them up as well because they may rob a bank and say it shouldn't matter because they're a good person (it's not supposed to make sense).

The predictable oscars

   James Franco and Anne hatheway hosted the 83rd academy award ceremony. Actually it might be safe to say that Anne hatheway hosted the whole show. Franco decided to be a pompous douche and not say much. He was probably high which just validates my argument that he was a pompous douche. You are hosting an honored piece of entertainment. Millions of people are counting on you to be entertained, its why you are paid a million dollars a week. The only sort of credit I can give him was that fantastic pink dress and Charlie scheen joke. I actually laughed at loud which is pretty rare for me to do when viewing these award shows. He also seemed quite cocky in an interview before the show. He was asked on what he thought of hatheway. Instead of any kind of praise, it seemed as if he was reading off of the interests section of her Facebook page. "Well she's likes movies and acting" get over yourself you dick.

   I actually never cared for Anne hatheway. She just seemed boring. So, when I heard she was hosting the academy awards I was even less thrilled than before. Did I mention these types of things bore me? Regardless, I was impressed. She was full of life, entertaining and had a surprisingly good voice. Maybe it was my low expectations but she did very well.

   What's her face said the f word. Ugh, you phony. She obviously did it because of the low status of herself and her award. She knew it wouldn't be too recognized by the media so she spiced it up by selling out and degrading her speech to appear nervous and unawares. Faaaaake.

   Natalie portman won best lead role which I'm glad that happened. I didn't see the Black Swan but I've never seen a role portman couldn't handle. The kings speech won best feature film, a few other awards and was nominated for 12 all together. That is actually impressive enough for me to want to see it. Surprisingly, I'm not a tough critic with movies. I rarely think a movie is that bad. When it is, I'll  usually say it was just ok.

   That's about it for the academy awards talk so until next year people.

Stupid Music

   Music was the world to me a year ago. Writing was something that I could connect with and be able to express myself. At the same time, I just wanted to make money doing something I love, a lot of money. I didn't want to have to care about stupid finances. Even just listening to music was something so deep and meaningful. Now that I see what music has become and the value of lyrics, it sickens me. I see the world for how it is and everything is fake. I can't even listen to the songs I once loved because it's dead and all a lie. I listen to my old cds and it's more depressing than fun. I think it's because I think of how great things used to be, how I had such hope for such success and it's all over.

   Now, I'm just following in the footsteps of everyone else: go to college, graduate, get a good job and get married. The only notion mentioned before that I actually want is to get married. I want a life of my own and want a wife to forever love. Marriage also seems to be a lie, or at least taken for granted. The vows read to each other seems to dwindle as the years go by. Maybe I'm taking it too seriously, but isn't love a serious issue? But I digress, I can't listen to music anymore. Because it meant so much to me, I took the meaning of every song too far and applied it life. I believed that love is all that mattered. I still do, but I'm trying not too. I just want to live in the moment, but I've spent so much time living in the future it seems almost impossible to enjoy what I have. I just want some hope.

I sometimes feel like this

Its too much work to stay healthy

   Eat this, don't eat that, run this far for this long and you might lose some weight. I'm 5'7 and used to weigh about 160 pounds after high school. I literally gained the freshman 15 and I looked awful. What's even worse is that I was in a band causing me to wear really tight clothes. I was pretty delusional at the time. I was eating terribly and my sit down job didn't help. I was never the type to workout but I could tell I needed it. It was tough. I would run/walk for about thirty minutes and felt like I ran a Marathon. The next day I would barely be able to walk. Did I lose weight? Nope. I rarely had time to do anything else and now I needed to find time to workout, plus I had to count my calories. It took me a few months, but I lost the weight and was back to where I should be. However, some people think that now they can go back to how things were but be a little more careful. Wrong. That's how I got to gaining that weight. That was a few years ago and now I still dread working out. Its uncomfortable and I don't get anything out of it. Because of my weight I'd probably have to run about an hour and a half a day. I already can't stand running for a half hour, how the hell am I supposed to run for an hour? Everyday? I guess that's the concept of working out, a lot of work for little results. Call me pessimistic but its true. Luckily, I still have some discipline to keep my weight down. All in all, its worth it to do just enough to keep my weight down.

Night Time Phonage

I just finished reading an article about attaching our eyes to our phones when we are in the company of our loved ones. This guy decided that he and his girlfriend should keep their phones out of the bedroom. He confessed that he would be on it until he turned off the lights and would even wake up in the middle of the night checking to see if there was any activity he missed. I am never on my phone when I'm with my girlfriend. I feel that it is rude and she would feel like I'm ignoring her. Sadly, she doesn't care too much because she is constantly on her phone. I want to talk with her, have some sort of intimacy, but shes always watching tv, on her phone, or on her computer while I pretty much just sit there. Even though I'm always with her, it doesn't feel like I'm with her. I wish we would try this, but she would probably just get annoyed that she doesn't have her phone near her.

   Well the guy and his girlfriend tried it and now they are closer than ever. They just talk about everything and anything. I'm so confused about my situation because I sadly seem to be the girl. I mention it to her and she just gets mad. I even bring it up in an even toned voice, but it doesn't matter it's just like flipping a switch with her. Maybe things will get better with time.

heres the article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/luke-wahl/no-phones-in-the-bedroom-_b_828642.html

Is This Real?

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's idea of "washing her feet" is sticking her foot in the toilet and flushing.FML

- fmylife.com

I've heard of worse things so I wouldn't be surprised ha

Friends are overrated

I enjoy being alone sometimes. People either annoy me, intimidate me, or give me anxiety. There is so much pressure to entertain and have things in common. When I have a meaningless conversations with the same people frequently, is that what makes friends? If the only thing we have in common is drinking, can that make you friends? I'm not a very exciting person and I'm fine with that. However, I feel like no one wants to hang around those who are not exciting. The funny part is that most of the people I know end up usually going to bars. Is that really considered doing something? What makes spending 6 dollars on a beer sitting around talking any better than spending .50 per beer doing the same thing in the comfort of someone's home. Maybe it's the long lines leading to the bathroom, or trying to talk over 20 other conversations going on. I'll go to a bar, I'll do things, but it's not something that I care too much about if I don't do that.

    Here's something even better, I barely like the company of my own friends. I think they're all great, but I know they're sitting their gossiping in their own minds that I'm a pussy who spends too much time with his girlfriend. So what if I do? I hate machoism. Show me a guy who doesn't pump out his chest and talk about the awesome things he does and I'll show interest. Personally, people are boring. If I'm not with my girlfriend or my family, I'm alone. I'm still not sure if I'm okay with that because society tells me I'm a loser for not really having friends. I'm just done with the party scene. I've gotten high, wasted, thrown up, blacked out, broken things, but the biggest reason I did go out was to find a girl to hook up with. I'm sure most guys would agree with this, but I also was looking for someone to continue conversations and get close to. Is it really so bad that I don't desire the need for friends?

My overbearing parents

As nice as I am, I have my limits. I believe in tact and holding back unnecessary comments. If I see somebody is happy with a situation that I deem . . . less than adequate, I keep my mouth shut because it makes them happy. When I was in my band, I was at practice every weekday after work. My days started at 6 am and ended at about 10 pm. I barely got a break and my parents understood. What I mean by their understanding, is that they barely saw me, but understood it's what I had to do. Although, once I quit to pursue a more secure future, they thought that I'd be home most of the time. Sadly they did not realize that I'm 24 years old and can't spend my free time with my parents. Yes, that's right, I do not enjoy spending time with my family. My mom is a crazy Christian whose interests range from God to Jesus. Okay, I'll give her credit, she can watch Seinfeld if the episode doesn't use the term 'sex' more than once and enjoy it. Other than that, we have absolutely nothing to talk about. I enjoy love, sex, drinking and crude comments that border on deadly. If she knew the literature I commonly read, she'd probably disown me as a son. The truth, I wouldn't really mind all that much because then I'd be able to live my life guilt free.

          As I was previously saying, once I quit the band, I actually spent more time with my girlfriend. More time as in, everyday. Go ahead, think what you want, but I enjoyed it. Still kind of enjoy it but after a year things gets different and I haven't moved on from how we were in the beginning. Once they realized what I was doing, they constantly nagged me on coming home to see them. I did at least once a week, but that wasn't good enough. If that wasn't good enough, then I presumed nothing would ever be good enough. I'd go weeks without seeing them and they would always call. My dad is good friends with my best friend's dad so through them I would hear how disappointing I was. When I would see them, they would interrogate me about why I was never home, did I not like them? What were they doing wrong? It was like the clingy girlfriend that you don't want to be clingy. Eventually, I was able to not care. After a year, they don't say much, but I am also home more often due to the lack of love currently in my relationship. But, what does the future hold? I'm not sure and I worry everyday.

I used to be more concerned

Has anyone ever noticed the odd man out? The lonely boyfriend/girlfriend sitting in the corner because their significant other isn't involving them. Or, the new friend someone brought along that nobody knows. Depending on the person, I could feel their discomfort. I could see that they didn't want to impose on some inside joke, or personal conversation. It's a difficult position to play. If I was a familiar of the group, I'd usually make some sort of effort to involve them. I mean, I couldn't be bothering them right? They came to have fun I'm pretty sure. Regardless, I was always concerned about everyone having a good time. I didn't want to leave anyone out. Now, I've begun to hang around a group of people who I don't know too well. We've all hung out several times, but it's obvious that they're closer. The reason I'm around these people is my girlfriend. They're all usually pretty nice, but as for that consciousness of another's discomfort, nobody notices. My girlfriend usually leaves my side and doesn't want me clinging to her. This goes on for usually the whole night. I wonder what happened to me. I guess its just this group of people that I can't connect with. I try to engage in group conversations, but I'm so self conscious of what to say. I hate that I've become that guy. I don't want to be, but its difficult when everyone seems so uninviting and not having my girlfriend kind of be my gateway to engaging her friends. My biggest fear is that I come off as annoying, so keeping quiet usually seems the best solution unless I'm approached. Maybe one day I'll be able to get back to that point where I was comfortable enough to make the newcomers feel welcome.

They say to have faith

Ever since I can remember, I went to church every Sunday. My mom is one of those crazy Christians who believes that pretty much everything is the devil. As religious as she is, she's not preachy to strangers which I can kind of admire.  But religion has been so drilled into me I can't take it anymore. I stopped going awhile ago, but I think I still believe in God. Its tough to believe in an all powerful and loving deity when so much goes wrong in this world. Especially when I think about how I turned out. I wonder what went wrong in my life to have me always want to be liked by everyone. What's even worse is that I also think people are constantly judging me in a negative way. When I'm alone I can be reasonable and realize that I'm crazy, but put me in the center of a room and I feel like curling up and dying. Do I blame God? I don't know. I sometimes wonder if God even exists because what legitimate proof is there? If you ask a Christian this question they answer with one word: faith. Although, it seems a little crazy to me to believe that God is in total control in my life and just let things be. They say that all I have to do is believe and pray and things will get better. Let me ask an even more intriguing question. How do we know what religion is right? Regardless of what we would like to believe maybe Islam is the true religion? Or what about Judaism? Does that mean if we spend our whole lives living by the Bible, die, our afterlife wont be a good one because we chose the wrong religion? I want to say that the Bible seems the most believable but who knows. Anything is possible isn't it? So it really comes down to your faith in the religion of your choice. Debate with religion, however, is subjective. It comes down to each religion thinking they're right and everyone else is wrong. The deciding factor? Wait to see where death takes you. Until then I really I no idea.

You're always right

I don't voice my opinion too often unless I agree with someone (aside from this blog). It's not because I always think I'm right, but I'll try to undertsand other peoples' points of view. My brother is out of his mind. Most of the time I can't stand him, but he is my brother and he has issues. I'll try to let him know when he's wrong, but it never goes well. Just like everybody else, nobody wants to hear they're wrong because we all think we know more than everyone else. I notice that whenever someone makes a good point, the opposing side won't acknowledge it. Somehow they'll be able to justify that that one point is only one good point, so they ignore it. We are  a society in such denial it sickens me. Maybe I'm easily swayed, but if someone makes a valid point with arguments to back it up, I say they're right because they are. Let's take Facebook for example. Mark Zuckerburg stole the whole idea when he was supposed to work with those two guys. Ok, they weren't too careful with who they asked to help, but essentially it was their idea. Zuckerburg said he would help make it and instantly began his own site with the same exact idea. So, those twins were pretty much out of luck because they didn't copyright it. How could they when they were under the impression that it was currently being worked on? I think that it was wrong and Zuckerburg shouldn't have been praised for stealing that idea. Regardless of the financial state of the twins, they were still entitled to creating that idea. My friend said that Zuckerburg was smart and pretty much laughed at the guys who were deceieved. I asked if that was appropriate. You are really going to complement Zuckerburg? What if that happened to you? They didn't care because they told me 'but it didn't happen to me'. They agreed that Zuckerburg was wrong, but I'm focusing on congratulating him for his deception. You think it's right to say he's smart? Personally, I think he's a jerk. I used to be in a band. If I was writing a song with someone and they go behind my back and copyright the song under their own name, I'd be pissed. Especially if someone told me that they were smart for doing that. Yea, you're entitled to your own opinion, but what happened to common human decency, open-mindedness and sympathy? Allegedly, it doesn't exist anymore.

Obsession is conditional

I notice that overall, obsession is not really a good thing. Once it has such a negative effect on someones life something needs to change. However, I feel that there are also obsessions that aren't bad but are looked at negatively. An obsession with TV isn't good because it encourages lazy behavior. That makes sense to me. No one is going around bragging that they are obsessed with TV. When it comes to drinking though, apparently its cool. Don't get me wrong I like to get drunk with friends every now and then, but I'm not cracking a beer everyday. Those who are, are usually viewed as 'cool'. But what if I were to tell you I was obsessed with my girlfriend? You'd laugh wouldn't you? Go ahead, thanks to my obsession I now eat better and workout. I also drink a lot less but I guess that's pretty standard when a relationship gets serious. Although, those who know how obsessed I am don't think its a good thing. I asked why and they would beat around the bush. If it doesn't directly affect you why do you care? I'd understand if we grope each other in public but we don't, in fact when we are around others we usually don't even seem like a couple. But once others know of the truth, there are no positive thoughts of the situation. They judge and/or laugh. What about guys obsessed with sports? I love football, but my intense interest in it is accepted because that's what society tells us. I doubt any Guy is a secret sports fan, but am more than sure there are several sensitive guys in hiding.

The world is falling apart, but more importantly I don't care

Libya is in peril, price of oil is at $100 per barrel, an earthquake has 98 dead in New Zealand and I'm sitting here wondering if the person sitting behind me is reading my screen. What are they thinking? Do they think I'm some loser for writing a blog? I know I shouldn't care but my social anxiety likes to decide otherwise.

   Finally, I'm able to write down my thoughts and maybe have someone else analyze me. Although, I know what people will say. This whole self entitled youth will just tell me to quit being a pussy. Well, maybe that's what I am. Maybe I was born this way, or maybe I can blame my overbearing parents. By their incredibly clingy nature I am now a shy, self loathing individual who doesn't see the value in anything. I don't hate anything, I don't hate life. I just have a love/hate relationship with society. Everyone is in love with themselves. Twitter and Facebook enhance this notion by posting feeds that might as well say "LOOK AT ME I'M MORE DRUNK THAN YOU, I'M AWESOME". It's disgusting, get over yourselves. I'm not saying to not love yourself, but its almost like pda with yourself. Nobody likes to see how in love you are with your girlfriend/boyfriend, so nobody likes to see how in love you are with yourself. Instead of posting pictures saying how awesome you are, just post it and leave it. Let everyone else decide that it's cool or not.

  A disclaimer: I don't hate people. I hate what people have become. I should have been born in the 1800s. The times where music was praised for talent, people were treated with respect and love conquered all. I understand that things were not the greatest then and not everyone was treated with such respect, but I guess what's most important to me is that love was a good thing. In today's world love is known as that four letter word nobody wants to hear. We've closed up as a society, no more vulnerability. Men would romance their women and tell them their deepest feelings through music or poems. Now, girls don't even express how they feel. They hide, even when they are married to the same man for years the relationship pretty much becomes professional. I personally think that this is a big reason for the high number of divorce rates. Things become stale because nobody knows how to feel anymore and we just give up. We are afraid to feel. That's why sex has become virtually meaningless at this point.

   The walls are up, marriage is programmed, bearing children is programmed because this world has become programmed to not feel anything anymore. If someone is in love and they express it, they are laughed at, cast down by their peers and asked "why?". Maybe we can blame technology for diverting our interests to television, music, games, the internet, everything available at the touch of a button. Addictions grow and the ignorance of a partner is just accepted. Just for one night with my girlfriend I would like to ban the use of these things. I wonder if she would just become bored, or if she would engage in something more real. Some would say watching television together is spending quality time, but I disagree unless whoever you're with is giving you some sort of acknowledgement. What happened to love? Everyone is so afraid to let themselves go, dive right in. Of course, I'm not saying to do this right away with someone new, but a girlfriend/boyfriend of a year in love, why not? When you both speak of similar futures together, what is there to guard? How can you be uncomfortable with hearing words wrapped in affection. If you are uncomfortable with hearing how much your partner loves you every now and then, then I don't understand why you are with that person. What I observe in today's society is that marriage is a last resort. It's something done because you can't be 30 years old, single and bar hopping every night. I'm not saying you can't, or don't. In fact, if that's what you want, save the poor wretch you propose to the trouble of a future divorce and keep going. Because apparently there is no sanctity in marriage anymore.